So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
