Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish i was in the wii world.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
And then he peed in my hair
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