i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
