Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
