She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
