There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
