it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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