So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
