I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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