Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
