I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
