Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
