4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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