Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
