If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
