So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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