I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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