so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
