this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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