Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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