I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
