I want to walk on stilts...naked
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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