She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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