One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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