It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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