i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
