the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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