all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
