It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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