I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
