i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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