i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
