Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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