i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
