11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
