Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize