It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
