Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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