We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
