Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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