So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize