i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
