You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
