but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
