i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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