I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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