I am puke
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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