the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
