sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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