I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
