he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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