If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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