the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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