Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
