We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
