you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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