i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
