Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We got so high we made milksteak
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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