Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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