Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize