I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
