He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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