found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
