these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize