If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
