Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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