It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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