I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
