Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
