I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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