so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
