i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
