Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
