Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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